"The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I hope in Him!" The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord." - Lamentations 3:24-26 NKJV
Have you ever been waiting for something your heart desires for a long time? I have been waiting for over six years for The Lord to grant me the gift of a godly husband. To this day not even one man has approached me for a relationship. It's very easy to lose heart in the waiting and the loneliness as time continues to tick on. A few weeks ago, a series of events brought a sense of despair and futility that this prayer would remain unanswered for many more years. As I was pouring my heart out to the Lord again, He reminded me of this verse in John 12:24, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit." I began laying the dreams of my heart at His feet to let them all die, telling the Lord that even if I were to never receive the desires of my heart, so let His will be done in me. I prayed, "Father glorify Thy name," because I do desire for Him to be glorified through my life. And my wisdom is limited, I don't know the best way to glorify the Father with my life, whether in marriage or in waiting in singleness, but He does.
It's a painful question The Lord asks at times to us, 'Will we endure our hardship for His glory?' "Will you endure this difficult marriage? What if your family remains unsaved for years? What if your children don't return for many years? What if this illness remains? On and on the questions can go.
Can you remain faithful to the Lord in the waiting, that the Father may be glorified? Part of me said Yes, and the other part felt heartbroken at the thought of never receiving. Though my desire would be to endure, the pain of facing that loneliness and void staring at me daily seemed too much to bear. Later as I was listening to a worship song taken from Psalm 23, some lyrics answered the deep cries of my heart.
God is my Shepherd
I won't be wanting
I won't be wanting
The words exposed the fears of my heart. The reason why I can't endure years of this prayer unanswered and the waiting is because I fear I will always have this ache in my heart, this hole of incompleteness of never knowing the love I desire to have and give in a marriage. I fear I will give up in a moment of weakness and settle for something than endure a lifetime of waiting and pain and dishonor my God.
But The Lord says as my Shepherd, I won't be wanting, I won't only know just the lack. The void will be filled by Him. He will satisfy me with Himself, with His love, His joy and His intimacy. And because He fills me with Himself while I still lack the husband I desire, He will give me power to wait upon Him. The Lord is my portion, therefore I hope in Him! Others may receive their answers to prayer, but right now, God says He will be my answer. He doesn't ask me to die to everything and leave me with nothing while I wait. I can have hope in my waiting that good is being prepared by His hand for me even now. I may not know how or where it shall come to me, but one day the goodness of the Lord and His blessings will come to me.
The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord." We all can still have hope from His word that God will be good to our souls - to the deep places and longings of our hearts, because He promises it to those who wait for Him to save and act for us. He has promised it shall come one day and He will be our portion and satisfaction during the waiting. And during the waiting, let us live in ways to glorify the Father that He may be pleased with us. Amen.