"The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I hope in Him!" The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord." - Lamentations 3:24-26 NKJV
Have you ever been waiting for something your heart desires for a long time? I have been waiting for over six years for The Lord to grant me the gift of a godly husband. To this day not even one man has approached me for a relationship. It's very easy to lose heart in the waiting and the loneliness as time continues to tick on. A few weeks ago, a series of events brought a sense of despair and futility that this prayer would remain unanswered for many more years. As I was pouring my heart out to the Lord again, He reminded me of this verse in John 12:24, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit." I began laying the dreams of my heart at His feet to let them all die, telling the Lord that even if I were to never receive the desires of my heart, so let His will be done in me. I prayed, "Father glorify Thy name," because I do desire for Him to be glorified through my life. And my wisdom is limited, I don't know the best way to glorify the Father with my life, whether in marriage or in waiting in singleness, but He does.
It's a painful question The Lord asks at times to us, 'Will we endure our hardship for His glory?' "Will you endure this difficult marriage? What if your family remains unsaved for years? What if your children don't return for many years? What if this illness remains? On and on the questions can go.
“Also you shall not oppress a stranger, for you know the heart of a stranger, because you were strangers in the land of Egypt." - Exodus 23:9
I've had one of those weeks marked with some discouraging moments, so I was already in a place of weakness when the latest temptation came. I had read that verse above and the one before it during my readings through Exodus. “You shall neither mistreat a stranger nor oppress him, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt" (Exodus 22:21). It had stood out to me because God was repeating it to the Hebrews after they were freed from Egypt. In my journals I had written, "Lord You do not want us to sin against others in the way we were sinned against. It especially grieves Your heart, because we sin according to knowledge - we know the anguish we are causing since we have been there. Our hearts should not be hardened or want to repay, but to have a heart of compassion."
Just one day later, God allowed a situation to test my heart to obey in this matter. Someone I cared for very much but who would not respond back to my efforts to reach out, responded back to me by email out of the blue months later. They apologized and asked my forgiveness for their silence. But oh how my heart responded with coldness. I refused to respond for two days. My heart wanted to repay and allow them to experience and feel the pain I had suffered by their silence. I didn't want to just grant forgiveness so quickly. I wanted to teach them a lesson. I felt like, "After all the pain I have experienced and it's supposed to be all washed away by one apology and acknowledgement. I can never get those months back, and the pain has caused its' wounds." And my cry to God was "Where is the justice Lord?"